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What am I doing again?

We moved. It took us about 3 weeks to get internet up and then I just got out of practice of writing in the blog and I took up my internet gaming hobby again which has been very destructive. I don’t know what I’m going to do but I need to get back on board.

Day 33

The past few days have been times of frustration and struggle. Every time my weight goes up I go into a panic, cut calories in the day and then rebel in the evening and go snack. I did last night so I’m not going to weigh myself today and perpetuate that cycle. Today I am going to eat according to my plan and that is all. I’ve made one good decision so far today and that is I made my healthy breakfast instead of waiting to buy a danish at work from the vending machine. That’s one decision and hopefully it will lead to others throughout the day.

I am under a lot of stress right now. We are to be out of our apartment in 2 weeks and are moving to the house this weekend. The tiling and the painting are both not done yet. Also my husband’s family are coming to “help” us move. They really aren’t much of a help. Regardless of this stress I need to find a way to put myself and my body first and do what needs to be done. I’m wimping out and I need to renew my commitment to weight loss.

Today is going to be a good day.

Day 31

204. And I ate perfectly and exercised.

Day 30

203.2. The morning after a binge day is always filled with regret. It is so frustrating that one day can take away a week’s worth of work. So I lose a week, at least I didn’t lose a month. Today is one month since starting at 208. I’m still happy with the number change. The most important thing is I am still committed and in this. A bad day here and there is not going to throw me off my desire to be fit and in shape.

Last night I made my lunches and dinners for the week. I’m still staying healthy and I am definitely going to work the exercise this week. We are moving into our house on Saturday and I have 3 tests this week. I need to be focused and stay on track.

Pick yourself up and lets go!

Day 29

201. Very pleased. Kept calories in check other than a nine o’clock 500 calories at the movie theater. I’m ok with it. I think I had about 1200 for the rest of the day so it wasn’t a killer. Today cleaning cats bins, painting and going to the in-laws for a birthday party. I hope you all have a great day!

Day 28

201.8. Had some snacks yesterday. Didn’t paint as vigorously as I did last weekend. Not surprised there’s no movement. There will be today. I have a planned breakfast and lunch at home and then before we go to the movies we are picking up food at a deli I know I can get a good calorie salad from. No snacks at the movie, I can do it.

Day 27

201.8. I had a guilty snack last night. But it was small and not too over my calories for the day and I didn’t use it as an excuse to not exercise. I walked 40 min. I’m very pleased with the way things have been going but in order to drop as much weight as I want to, I can’t become complacent and think that I’m doing good enough and can let little cheats in my life. 1 a week is ok. 1 a day is not ok. Everything adds up. That’s how I got here. I’m afraid of the weekends. I’m super busy now which is a positive but I have a birthday party to go to on Sunday and we are going to the movies on Saturday night. This usually spells over eating. I need to make positive choices and count my calories to make it through. I think this has been one of the best weeks of my entire dieting life. Going 4 days without a sweet snacks. Pretty good!

I was watching Dr. Phil yesterday. It’s on at work, I can’t change the channel, he’s obnoxious but says some good stuff. It was about child obesity and how parents will feed their kids anything to get them to shut up. One kid was 8 and over 200 pounds. I was a chubby kid growing up. Not a fat kid, a chubby kid. I cannot even begin to imagine what struggles and prejudice and evil behavior kids like that will experience in school and growing up. To not even remember what it was like to be normal and fit in. I really feel for them and I’m with Dr. Phil, I completely blame the parents. Parenting isn’t about getting your kid to be quiet or even getting your kid to like you. It’s about giving them good character and preparing them to succeed in the world. As he said, they are raising their kids to be hedonistic which will impact them in every level of their lives.

Day 26 – morning

202.4 this morning. Been a long while since I hit this number. But about 2 years ago I went down as far as 193 so when I hit that, the real story begins. Right now, just focusing on making right choices and exercising.

Day 25 – morning

203.4. I wasn’t going to measure my weight every morning but I think it actually does help me keep on track. I stayed perfectly on my meal plan yesterday and look at today! Great! I beat off the 11pm munchies by just going to bed. I have a ton of work to do today for school and I don’t think I can get it all done. My husband is another stressor for me lately. He is incapable of good time management. He doesn’t work but has 4 classes. I work full time and have 3. I don’t have any sympathy for him. Yesterday he didn’t have any classes and was supposed to study the whole day. Our new appliances were delivered and I figured that would take a few hours out of his day. Turns out he did NO studying whatsoever and left it for when I got home at 9:30pm last night. He didn’t study at ALL. I watched a tv show to relax while doing some of my homework and finally by 11 he realized he should be working on it. By then it was too late and he panicked and went to bed uneasy. It irritates me because we can’t do fun stuff together if he still has homework due! I bought him a wall calendar and a day planner but nothing helps. It’s really aggravating.

Getting into the groove again this week with my diet. Cooked chicken for lunch last night and prepped all my food. It’s actually kind of relaxing to do at the end of a long day. Yesterday I didn’t exercise as I had long days on Saturday, Sunday and Monday painting and my knees were hurting. I’ll do something tonight. Maybe some weights and then 20 min walk or maybe the Jackie Warner video. The one I have of here is pretty brutal. I love it! 🙂

One final thing I’ve been doing recently that I think has helped is making friends with my mirror. In the past, I’ve told myself I’m ugly and looked at all my bad features in the mirror when I went by. I haven’t lost any huge amount of weight but I still can feel it. I feel healthy and happy and I think I can see that in the mirror. When I get up, I take a look in there, look at my body and tell myself that I am awesome and I can already see a difference. I think this is helping me stick with what I’m doing and be proud of myself.

I hope it rains today 🙂

Day 24 – morning

204. 😦 Tighten the eating. That’s what you get for 500 cal of snacks before bedtime.

So what’s on the plan for today?

2 eggs – 140

english muffin – 110

2 Tbsp. salsa – 20

V8 drink – 120

5 oz chicken breast – 90

tortilla – 120

1/4 c. cheese – 80

sour cream – 40

broccoli/cheese packet – 60

apple – 95

squash and penne dinner – 301

protein meal bar – 180

total: 1356

Good enough to allow one SMALL snack to slide. I just need to stick to the plan. If need be, go to bed early rather than snack. I can do homework at work. Today is a new day. One day at a time.